Since I last wrote, we found out that all six of our embabies "passed" the genetic screening. They were all chromosomally normal, which was shocking since I'm almost 35. The doctor predicted we would have 2-3 good embryos, so this was more than we could hope for.
Because they look at the number of chromosomes, they can also tell the gender. So we knew that we had one boy and five girl embryos.
We transferred the boy last Thursday. He was our best looking embryos. I did accupuncture the week before, the hour before transfer, and the week after transfer. I had an abdominal/uterine massage. I ate pineapple core. I took tons of vitamins. I ate low carb. I ate soup. I drank so much water. I did everything right.
It didn't work.
I am not devastated. Just numb. I have been in this place so many times, so I am pretty strong when it comes to these things. But oh, how we wanted that boy to implant. How we longed for his life to be. How we dreamed of his future.
Particularly Tom. He wanted a son. We had a boy embryo. And I hate so much that it didn't work.
We are sad and we are mourning, but we will pick ourselves up and do another transfer. And another, and another, though I pray with all my heart we only need one more.
But we will likely not be as vocal throughout it. That's how these thing work; you share a lot the first time, but if it doesn't work you go quiet because you don't want to have to update all the people again that it failed. I'm glad we shared about our boy, but we won't be sharing again until we have a successful transfer.
Despite the awfulness of this, it is 1000 times easier because we have our Abbie girl. She is so cuddly these days, wanting to be held whenever she is near us. She hugs my neck and gently pats the back of it and she squeals with glee when she see her DADADA. She heals all the broken places in our hearts. So we will keep fighting this battle because she deserves a sibling, but she is enough. She is perfection, and we thank God every single day for her.
See? Perfection. So we will be okay.
Because they look at the number of chromosomes, they can also tell the gender. So we knew that we had one boy and five girl embryos.
We transferred the boy last Thursday. He was our best looking embryos. I did accupuncture the week before, the hour before transfer, and the week after transfer. I had an abdominal/uterine massage. I ate pineapple core. I took tons of vitamins. I ate low carb. I ate soup. I drank so much water. I did everything right.
It didn't work.
I am not devastated. Just numb. I have been in this place so many times, so I am pretty strong when it comes to these things. But oh, how we wanted that boy to implant. How we longed for his life to be. How we dreamed of his future.
Particularly Tom. He wanted a son. We had a boy embryo. And I hate so much that it didn't work.
We are sad and we are mourning, but we will pick ourselves up and do another transfer. And another, and another, though I pray with all my heart we only need one more.
But we will likely not be as vocal throughout it. That's how these thing work; you share a lot the first time, but if it doesn't work you go quiet because you don't want to have to update all the people again that it failed. I'm glad we shared about our boy, but we won't be sharing again until we have a successful transfer.
Despite the awfulness of this, it is 1000 times easier because we have our Abbie girl. She is so cuddly these days, wanting to be held whenever she is near us. She hugs my neck and gently pats the back of it and she squeals with glee when she see her DADADA. She heals all the broken places in our hearts. So we will keep fighting this battle because she deserves a sibling, but she is enough. She is perfection, and we thank God every single day for her.
See? Perfection. So we will be okay.
Love you and praying you through until we can all rejoice together!
ReplyDeletePraying for each of you and all your embabies! Sending hugs! Miss you guys!
ReplyDeleteOh how I just love that you have Abbie, each other and Jesus!!! Thank you for trusting all of us with this news from your heart!
ReplyDeleteI am so, so sorry, friend. I have been thinking of and praying for y'all. :( I can't imagine how tough this is. And now I am going to abruptly change gears and tell you something adorable: yesterday I was scrolling through Instagram and Millie was looking at the pictures. She "narrates" as we go, but it's mostly just giggles and "baby!" "Dog!" "Baby" "eat!" But then we passed a picture of Abbie and I swear to you- she pointed at it and said "me!! Mill mill!!"...so, further evidence that the girls really are probably twins. ;) or maybe Millie just didn't realized there were any other adorable pigtailed toddlers in the world?! Haha.
ReplyDeleteAHHHHHH... "me! Mill mill!" That is amazing! So cute!
ReplyDeleteI am so so sorry that this transfer did not work. I was truly hoping and believing that it would. I completely understand the need for silence. If you need anything at all, I'm right down the road. And yes...your little Abbie girl is indeed pure perfection. Much love to you my friend.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry this transfer did not work. I totally get not wanting to share too much info and feeling the need to follow up. Prayers going forward for a sibling for Abbie, she is absolutely adorable!!
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