Buried Hopes

From about 8 months until a few months ago, Abbie was a piece of cake to put down. When I was nursing, I would nurse her and she would go right to sleep. And when I quit nursing at 17 months, she dropped to one nap, so she was exhausted at bedtime and went to sleep no problem at 6:30 (or earlier!). But the last few months she has finally demanded a routine from us. Books! Rocking! More Books! So many things. It's easiest for Tom (he gets away with two books, then "snuggles or night night"!), so he is usually in charge of bedtime. But some nights he has meetings, so the privilege goes to me. And let me tell you, Abbie delights is demanding MORE from her mama. Endless books. Then we must bounce on the yoga ball (I used this every day when she was a newborn and showed it to her a few months ago and now it is a MUST DO every night), and if I slow down for some reason she starts bouncing up and down to remind me of my job. Then, I try to put her down but she will have none o...

It's January, which is when my blog hosting fees are due. And with it comes the reminder that if I'm going to pay for this blog, I need to use this blog. Writing is hard work, but it is also therapeutic. It helps me sort through the chaos in my mind and formulate my beliefs. Living in my head isn't an easy thing, but putting words on paper helps make it more bearable. So I'm going to try to be a better steward of both my blog and my complicated thoughts and write more. As for life lately, well it has been understandably dark. Miscarriage is a horrible process to go through; the hormones and the grief feel overwhelming. I knew that all of December would be dark, and I trudged through it as best I could (while loving my little ball of light as best I could as well). And now we are in January, and it feels a little bit better. We are closer to being able to transfer another embryo, and I'm so ready to begin moving forward. Of course, transferring another embryo...