Third Trimester Gratitude

So, somehow we are now in the third trimester. 28 weeks! And I haven't updated since 23 weeks, so an update is in order.

At 24 weeks, we got an extra anatomy ultrasound. Our baby girl would not show us her profile and a particular view of her heart at 20 weeks, so this earned us another scan. The great thing was that my parents were in town for the weekend, and they were able to come with us!

(It was a big deal for me to feel confident enough inviting them to this. I tried to suppress the fears that something would be horribly wrong and how tragic it would be to have them there when we discovered it. Thankfully, our girl was kind to me and kicked me a good bit the morning of the ultrasound, assuring me that she was quite happily alive in there.)

This was the first ultrasound that felt real. We saw her face at the last ultrasound, but babies aren't so pretty face on at this point. Much more alien-like than baby-like. It didn't evoke much emotion in me.

[caption id="attachment_1815" align="aligncenter" width="400"] Baby's face at 20 weeks. Not very baby-like.[/caption]

We never had gotten a good profile shot of her during our ultrasounds, so I didn't realize how amazing it is when you see the baby moving from the side view. When she started the scan, it was like a whole new picture of my baby. We could see her sucking her thumb and sticking out her tongue, and she just looked so much like a person in there! It was so real. They were able to see all of her perfect heart. And she was such a pretty baby!

[caption id="attachment_1807" align="aligncenter" width="300"] Such a pretty girl![/caption]

My parents were in awe, and my dad was a puddle of tears by the end of it. They have been so patient and supportive while waiting to be grandparents, happy and satisfied with Gracie and Riley as their precious, prized grand-puppies. But it fills me with joy to finally be able to give them a grandchild. I loved watching our daughter steal their hearts from the ultrasound screen.

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Since then, baby girl has been growing. And kicking. And growing some more. And I have been steadily growing with her.

[caption id="attachment_1813" align="aligncenter" width="300"] 24.5 weeks[/caption]

 

[caption id="attachment_1810" align="aligncenter" width="300"] 26ish weeks[/caption]

 

[caption id="attachment_1811" align="aligncenter" width="300"] 8 weeks vs 27 weeks![/caption]

I got another head cold two weeks ago, and it knocked me out even worse than the last one. I am miserable with a bad cold, but I am even more miserable when I'm hormonal with an achy back and am banned from advil and wine. But I am recovering, slowly but surely. I'm hoping this is my last bout of sickness this winter. At least until I can partake of the advil and wine again.

We had our 28 week appointment Monday, and we were told it is time to register with the hospital and sign up for classes. That plus the fact that my baby shower is a week away and I've already begun negotiations for what my job will look like once the baby comes, and it's starting to sink in that we are actually having a baby. She is coming, and we are preparing for her, and that barren, empty room I've avoided for three years is actually becoming a nursery.

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Last Thanksgiving, it was hard to be grateful. We had endured our first failed cycle at Midwest Fertility, and I ended up with 5-6 huge cysts in my ovaries that required a month of birth control. And while I could deal pretty well with the fertility drugs, the month of birth control had me wanting to curl up in a ball and die. I was sick and exhausted. And we had no idea what the upcoming year held.

And then the next month, I over-responded to the fertility drugs. I had five eggs ready to go, and my conservative doctor wouldn't do an IUI. With our particular fertility issues, an IUI is fairly necessary, so I was crushed and felt done with it all. I broke down in the office with the nurse and told her I was ready to move to IVF. I couldn't take any more of it. So we made an appointment for January 6 to discuss moving forward.

But on January 1st, we got our first positive pregnancy test.  We had managed to fertilize two of those five eggs. One never grew beyond a yolk sac, but the other one showed us her heartbeat before flickering out and dying.

It was not an easy year. The miscarriage was one of the darkest points of our life. I would not wish that ache and emptiness on anyone. I'm not sure how we made it through it, but we did. We kept hoping and kept fighting, kept believing that parenthood was not beyond our reach. And somehow we managed to get pregnant again. Two pregnancies in one year, after 6.5 years of nothing.

And now here I am, with a little girl bouncing around in my womb. Our little miracle. A product of prayer and tears and science, in all of which the Spirit of Jesus was actively working for our good.

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We spent Thanksgiving day just the two of us. Tom made the best prime rib I have ever eaten, and we worked together to make the sides and pies. We will spend the rest of the holiday eating it all and binging on Netflix.

It feels wonderful to rest and enjoy this time together, our last days just the two of us. Neither of us can imagine what life will be like in February. After so many years of waiting, you stop imagining what it will be like. You push down the dreams and just fight to move forward. So as a result, we have no clue how we will care for or raise a baby. But we will figure it out together. I'm so very thankful I get to raise a daughter with this wonderful husband of mine.

For those of you who spent this Thanksgiving still sitting in the ache and the death of your dreams, I pray for peace and comfort amidst the sorrow. I know how hard it is to be thankful in the midst of loss and lack and heartache. But I also know how much comfort is available to us in those times, and I pray that you would have it in abundance. And I pray that it won't be long before your deaths find their resurrections in Him.