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23 weeks!

I am now 23 weeks pregnant! The most pregnant (and the heaviest) I have ever been. I can't tell if I'm feeling better because I'm finally getting some of that 2nd trimester energy, or if it's just the cup of coffee per day I can now stomach and am therefore enjoying. Whatever it is, I'm feeling better. I can't say I loved the first 22 weeks or so of pregnancy, but aside from the current difficulties I'm having lifting myself off the couch, I'm enjoying myself.

Things are slowly starting to feel more real. Coming into pregnancy after years of infertility and a miscarriage is hard. There haven't been many moments that felt real to me. The digital pregnancy test, that felt vaguely real. Hearing the nurse tell me my soaring hormone levels, that felt real (good data always feels real to me). But seeing my baby on the ultrasound screen, that hasn't felt very real. I know you would think it would be the opposite, but the "Pregnant" digital screen and the high numbers were easier to grasp than a tiny blob with a blinking heartbeat. I think it has to do with the four ultrasounds we had the last pregnancy, the terror and heartbreak and pain of seeing an empty sac and a no-longer-beating heart on the screen. When you've seen that, the ultrasound rooms don't feel quite as sacred. The heartbeat on the screen stills the fear, but it's still hard to believe the reality of it. My baby was alive, but was she healthy? Was her heartbeat strong enough? Would she be alive for the next ultrasound? There were so many unknowns (despite the many assurances from the doctors that everything looked perfect), and that fearful unknown has kept me from grasping reality.

But lately, the baby has been kicking. Not flutters, but kicks I can see and feel from the outside. Kicks that remind me that this little girl is real. Kicks that allow me to take a brave breath and begin to love our child. It shouldn't be so hard to love her, but the years of ache and crushed hope have made keeping my distance (figuratively, obviously) easier than loving. But with each little thump in my abdomen, I begin to love this child of mine more and more. And I hope. I look at babies with chubby cheeks and soft hair and I no longer ache for what I might never have; instead, I catch a glimpse of what is coming.

We have purchased a crib and a changing station/dresser (we traveled to IKEA for these things, and our marriage thankfully survived the trip) and some decorations for the nursery. I have enjoyed being able to take advantage of diaper deals at CVS. And I'm slowly creating an Amazon registry (Target will be next). Registering is overwhelming, but my Baby Bargains book and Amalah's registry checklist have been helpful. And I looooovvvveeee practical gifts, so creating a list of practical gifts for others to buy me is kind of my favorite thing ever. (Tom spends Amazon gift cards on fun things while I buy toilet paper. I'm not joking. It's free toilet paper! Delivered to my door! I love it.). Anyone have any great registry suggestions? Anything you absolutely loved or wish you had registered for?

Here are some photos of my ever-growing baby bump. I'm loving gap maternity jeans and soft cotton maternity dresses from Asos (they have great sales!).

[caption id="attachment_1796" align="aligncenter" width="400"]10628069_10152361936554149_1496267762603831133_n 21 weeks, making Waldo easy to find[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_1797" align="aligncenter" width="400"]1555318_10152387980539149_4324715729088693642_n 22 weeks, 4 days[/caption]

 

So here we are, a week from viability outside the womb but hopefully 17 weeks, give or take a few days, until mid-February when we will meet our baby girl!

Comments

  1. Erika B.October 20, 2014 at 10:57 AM

    Feeling her kick-- how fun!!! You look fabulous! One of my favorite things (and registry suggestions) is a variety of swaddles. We love the velcro SwaddleMe ones (Summer Infant, I think?), the Miracle Blanket, and the Halo Swaddle Sack things. We never received a Woombie, but I'm still dying to try it...I can't decide if it's too late to invest in one still. :) It's not that I NEED it...she's totally fine with the ones we do have...I just still really want to try it. :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. RebeccaOctober 21, 2014 at 1:30 AM

    Thanks for the suggestions! I've heard great things about the Miracle Blanket, but it's good to know about the others!

    ReplyDelete

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