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Blogging... what's that?

I have kind of forgotten that I even have a blog. But I guess it would do me good to update this a little.

I am 3 weeks away from finishing my second year of teaching. How crazy is that? Even crazier is how much I love it. Sure it is exhausting, and sure I have my bad days and my very bad days, but all in all, this is SO the job for me. I have never felt so good at a job, so relaxed and sure of myself and successful. I love talking about chemistry, and I love enjoying my students. They make me laugh every day, and they are just so much fun.

We are also finishing our second year in California. And Tom is in the stages of planning out the next few quarters, because he only has a few quarters left of this thing. I can't believe it's almost over. The debt will follow us for years afterward. But hopefully the knowledge and skills from Fuller will make that all worth it :)

I am torn between loving life and fighting to love life. We have been so blessed in so many ways. We are so happy with this little life we have built together, and I could go on and on about the ways we have been provided for. And yet the other trials I have had to deal with, mainly the trial of infertility, have not been so easy.

I think that's why I have quit blogging... I don't want to feel like I am starting an infertility blog. Not that I don't see the purpose in them, and finding and reading those blogs have brought me a great deal of comfort. But I don't really want to write to the world about how much I'm hurting over the one thing I currently can't have.

I do, however, want to stress how present the Lord is in guiding us. And I am learning so much through this and gaining so much insight and empathy. I also see the reasons why we are not called to have kids yet. I understand and know in my heart that it isn't our time. I just wish I knew when (or if) it would be our time... and why it seems to be the time for everyone else except for me.

Life, however, is a lot of waiting. I would be a fool to think that if I got what I currently want that I would then quit wanting. I know I would then start waiting for something else. And so in the midst of this season, I am fighting for contentment. I am fighting against jealousy, bitterness and anxiousness. And I am fighting for hope and joy in the knowledge of God's goodness.

"Who is like the Lord our God,
who is seated on high,
who looks far down on the heavens and the earth?
He raises the poor from the dust
and the needy from the ash heap,
to make them sit with princes,
with the princes of his people.
He gives the barren woman a home,
making her the joyous mother of children.
Praise the Lord!"
Psalm 113:5-9
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  1. StephanieMay 2, 2010 at 3:18 PM

    Love this post! Thanks for sharing it. I have been thinking a lot lately about how difficult and yet how very, very valuable it is to find that place where God alone is enough. I have been praying for that for others, but I need it so much myself - although I don't seem to have the courage to pray it for myself.

    I will pray that we both find that contentment you speak of! I'm honored to be your friend. :)

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